Wednesday, April 1, 2009 @ 5:51 AM
I just wanted to share this.
During the March holidays, I met up with my primary school friend at Orchard to catch up. We haven't seen each other since last year so of course we were excited to finally meet up again. I was excited for another reason too. I was finally able to go out! I've just entered Secondary 3 this year and the work load really stresses me out most days so I was ecstatic that I finally got at least one day to unwind.
I had a lot of fun with my friend. But when I when we reached the Cineleisure, I started to feel inadequate.
Almost all the teens I saw there were wearing clothes that I wish I had, hair which was perfectly styled and they all looked really sure of themselves.
I saw some who were dressed in punk styles, some who were dressed like those I see in Korean or Japanese dramas and some who were dressed up hip-hop style.
I started to feel really plain in my jeans, shirt and converse sneakers.
I was always fascinated with all these different clothing styles. There are just so many! Boho-chic, preppy, hip hop and stuff like that. But I never really got to start on my transformation yet.
I immediately wanted to get away from there. Luckily, my friend obliged.
We went to Starbucks after that just to chat. Halfway through the conversation, she suddenly blurted out, "Gosh, I sort of feel jealous of that blonde girl I saw back there!"
Yeah, I remembered which blonde girl she was talking about. And yeah, she really was pretty. She was dressed up like how Avril Lavigne would look like for her music videos, which just made that girl look cooler.
So alright, this story doesn't really have a happy ending where we realize that that blonde girl also has self-esteem issues like us and yadda-yadda-yadda. I didn't even know that girl and it's been almost two weeks and I can't really remember her face now. But I did realize one thing.
Jealousy is a terrible thing. Even now I still feel jealous of some people and I know some of my friends who are jealous of other people too. But I think it's important to know that talking won't help. I could've carried on my conversation with my friend for days and still one day we would forget how that blonde girl even looked like. I could've transformed my whole wardrobe or my whole attitude to be just like who that girl appeared to be.
But really, is changing ourselves for the expense of others worth it? Why can't I accept myself just the way I am?
And my answer is, Yeah, who told me that I can't?
- Nadine